with my first week in Ronda near completion, i will admit my frustrations. i understand that my current emotional state will improve with time. none the less, they are a valid part of my experience.
i debated posting about this because i resist exposing my vulnerability, so i am specifically requesting a refrain from consoling me.
-i have discovered that i hold a bit too much pride in my ability to communicate. at the end of class each day this week my body was twisted with frustration, anger and embarrassment. the anger is my means of suspending the saline from exposing my embarrassment. i can not communicate in Spanish. i only understand half of what half of my professors are saying and they understand less of what i attempt to say. coming here i knew this was going to happen and i was sure i could just roll with it until i made it over the learning curve. with my host family, i am doing well about not stressing over my limited communication. in school it is a different story; in my class i am the only new student, so all of the other students can communicate. i guess i am more prideful than i realized. i am embarrassed to appear unintelligent. i am frustrated that there is a limit as to how much my brain can process.
-we all know that i dont know how to relax. well, the current state of stress that i have subjected my body to has reignited my pinched sciatic nerve. this time it is both legs. so to add to my embarrassment i need to stand up at least twice during out two hour classes, because if i try to grin and bear it i cant concentrate enough to understand anything.
so... as a step toward relaxing, i joined a Tai Chi class. hee. it is full of middle aged women, none of whom speak english. they are all very nice and we exchange minimal, but friendly conversation. i enjoy observing them communicate with each other, it like a silent movie of sassy women in sweat pants moving in slow motion.
this weekend i am going to contact some locals for an "intercambios" basically, two people spend time together and help each other improve communication in a forgien language, so i will be helping some one improve their english one day and they will help me with my spanish the next. i am hoping it will feel more equal and less frustrating for me. plus i want to find some art enthusiasts to go to this art exhibition with me. i will let you know how it goes.